I must admit I've never liked this time of year. Halloween has always struck me as pointless throwback in which already spoilt children get the opportunity to demand money from complete strangers with the added menace of attacking your house if you don't give it to them. Fireworks are another pain in the arse and even as a nipper I was never impressed by them. If I wanted lights and noise I would spark up a feg and start shouting rather than waiting for bangs that are deliberately contrived to be as random as possible in order to scare the crap out of unsuspecting citizens such as myself. Not to mention the drone at the door of that blasted rhyme about the goose getting fat. I've yet to see the "old man's hat" that they went a penny in and were I to give the penny they demand I'm sure a selection of Bengal matches or a St Catherine wheel would be deposited through my letter box tout de suite. Lot of old rubbish if you ask me (not that anybody did, of course). Plus All Souls Night is coming up and I still brick it from time to time when I think of the stories I was told in my youth of the spirits of the dead rising for one night. The joys of an Irish Catholic upbringing, I suppose. A pity Walter Matthau's dead really as he could have protrayed me with some success.