Priapism

Feb. 13th, 2017 08:24 pm
keresaspa: (Starry Plough)
I've avoided discussing the RHI scandal on here as it's just such a depressing microcosm of what a waste the Northern Ireland Assembly really is. Equally I resisted the temptation to gloat about the political retirement of the utterly detestable Martin McGuinne$$ as we always knew he would be replaced by an equally faceless collaborator who would continue on the same devolutionist-unionist path and sure enough along came Michelle O'Neill who was also up to her neck in the same scandal. Plus ça change!

But with all that having been said, the scandal has brought yet another Assembly election on our heads and the circus rolls on as ever. Well, for most of it does as the way things are looking just now I appear to have been disenfranchised for this particular one. Yet again I will find myself in Scotland on the day of the election and on that basis I requested a postal vote but the other day a normal polling card arrived at my house and, as I'll be off in my spiritual home at the time, it appears that I'm to be denied the chance to vote for a losing candidate. Quel Dommage!

I may get up in arms at the drop of a hat but on this occasion I really don't care if I don't get to vote. Since the Tories took over in England it has been clear that the Northern Ireland Assembly, already a pretty weak institution, has been relegated to the role of talking shop. Certainly, the speed with which the hated welfare reform was forced through by the Secretary of State indicates that any important decisions will always emanate from Westminster and Stormont will just have to grin and bear them (ditto Holyrood and whatever the hell the Welsh chatter-house is called, by the way). Effectively the Assembly has been left somewhere between a glorified council (I shit you not, one of its major decision was changing the layout of bus stops in Belfast city centre) and a bribe to the elites as a way for them to keep their useful idiots in line. It's jobs for the boys up there, be it MLAs or their truly pointless Special Advisers so it will continue even though it has no real function any more in a fine example of sod you Jack, I'm all right. Sacrebleu!

If by some miracle they do decide to give me my postal vote I am faced with a very limited selection of candidates from which to choose, although of that mob I would most likely go for People before Profit. Even if they won a plurality in the Assembly (not going to happen) they would still be able to do sod all but they at least talk the talk about austerity and a few more of them on the hill would be preferable to yet more Sinn Fein and DUP apparatchiks (or indeed UUP, SDLP or Alliance ones for that matter). They haven't a hope of getting a seat in "leafy South Belfast" of course (a cliché that always ignores the pile of loyalist estates we have in this constituency too) but if I get the opportunity they can have my vote anyway. Nice to see that the previously mentioned John Hiddleston is back yet again for another election. Pleased to see my exposé had such a great influence! Mind you in these days of the Azov Brigade, Brexit, Donald Trump and (let's hope not) Marine Le Pen I suppose having a past in the National Front might even help him get elected. Zut alors!

But whatever happens no doubt the same old crap will continue. O'Neill will find a way to work with Arlene Foster or possibly a replacement and the gravy train will rumble on, achieving nothing apart from feathering the nests of those involved. Meanwhile the republicans and loyalists on the ground will continue to suffer but will be content that "our ones" are in charge, despite all the major decisions being dictated by our Der Führer Theresa May (and hi Teesie, seeing as the Investigatory Powers Act means you're reading this now). Brûle en l’enfer!
keresaspa: (Starry Plough)
I cock an eye to the Morning Star every now and then, even though it's hardly perfect. On English issues it's generally on the money with its analysis and it does fairly well with the international scene but when it comes to the Celtic fringe it's usually wanting. The soft unionist stance they took with regards to Scottish independence (the logic seemingly being "why should the Jocks get to escape the Tories when we don't?") seemed at odds with the rest of their rhetoric whilst when it comes to this dump they same to slavishly trot out the Sinn Fein line, regardless of how much that party seems to lurch to the right. Heck, were The Hibernian still around it would probably be available in every SF "advice centre" these days.

Seven months ago Martin McGuinness appeared in the pages of the aforementioned paper to announce that he wouldn't abandon the vulnerable. Yesterday he did just that, bowing down to Theresa Villiers and accepting the deep and invasive cuts that the Tory government government has already rent on Britain. At a time when poverty and unemployment are on the rise, McGuinness happily signs off on deep cuts to welfare and tax credits, plunging more and more people into deeper and deeper poverty. Still, it'll have no impact on him and his coterie of stooges, whose big money from the Stormont gravy train is now protected for another few years. With the local health service at breaking point and crisis being declared on a weekly basis he happily signs off on big NHS cuts and public sectors redundancies. None of which will apply to the nepotism factory that is Stormont, where money will continue to be blown on "special advisers", whose only expertise appears to be possessing the same DNA as Assembly members. Meanwhile the so-called republican has also signed off on increased spending on police activity against dissidents who, as Martin claims, are a disgrace to the ideology and should be joining him by showing their republicanism through praising the British queen, upholding and celebrating the British soldiers who butchered our people and participating in an arm of the British government and delivering the demands of the Conservatives.

Don't get me wrong, all five parties are as culpable for this but Sinn Fein's crime is the greatest. The Unionist duo make no bones about being right-wing, the Alliance are the local arm of the cuts-happy Liberal Democrats and the SDLP have been trotting out the "business before people" line for so long that their name is a complete joke but Sinn Fein, when it suits them, still claim to be of the Left and indeed down south are campaigning for election on the very basis that they are democratic socialist. Yet in the North they have once again crapped on the very working classes that elected them in the first place and have delivered them to further and deeper crushing poverty just so as they could protect their own interests. Hell this current "fresh start" is actually a much worse deal than the already egregious Stormont House Agreement that McGuinness rejected recently. How this cretin has lasted so long is beyond reason.

Let's face it, the Assembly has been an unmitigated disaster from start to finish, a bloated, toothless talking shop in which a bunch of completely powerless children can spend hours squabbling over flowers and street names but who, when it comes to the crunch, defer to their masters in Westminster at all times. That I personally voted no to the Good Friday Agreement is cold comfort because all of us are now reaping the thorns of that particular surrender. Resistance is the only option, although it has been made all the harder by the headlong rush that McGuinness and that great Pontius Pilate Gerry Adams made to disarm and castrate the IRA, leaving behind only a poorly armed and informer-riddled dissident rump.

In his classic 1978 psychological study of National Front members Fascists (excellent book, horrendously unimaginative title) Michael Billig demonstrates the tendency of one of the NF members he interviewed to what he describes as "meaning-shift". The man in question talks consistently about his support for voluntarily repatriation but when asked to describe what he means unequivocally endorses compulsory repatriation and yet refuses to alter his language, despite clearly stating that participation in the scheme would be mandatory. The phenomenon of meaning-shift has become an increasing part of the mainstream in recent years, where we have "volunteers" who are forced to work for nothing under threat of the withdrawal of social security or we’re told how we're all in austerity together where "all" actually means just those with very little money to begin with. So let it be the same here now as a bleak future looms for us all, apart from the folks on the hill who have pulled up the drawbridge and ensured that, like their Westminster masters, when they say "we're all in this together", they mean all apart from them and the big companies they have chosen to favour. Dark times all round and Irish republicanism as an ideology is on life support right now. I await the rank hypocrisy of the Easter Rising commemorations next year not so much with bated breath but with an air of morose resignation.

And of course there's one other major reason why McGuinness has been so prepared to sell out his supposed principles for thirty pieces of silver and why right-thinking people should detest the slimy bastard with every fibre of their being, but were I to get into that this load of old toot would most likely be closed down and my sorry arse hauled off to Maghaberry. Frankly I Should Hope Every Reader Maybe Already kNows.

Meh.

Feb. 24th, 2015 08:16 pm
keresaspa: (Dipsy)
There was a time when all this Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind business would have had me foaming at the mouth but these days - who gives a flying fuck, to be honest? We all know every man-jack (and indeed woman-jane) of them has their fingers in the till and most of the time they don't even bother hiding so let's can the phoney outrage, eh? If anybody really cared the lot of them would've been overthrown years ago but instead we just shift the deckchairs around, replacing one bunch of crooks with another.

I'm sure that come May we'll all elect yet another load of smirking overpaid criminals and then cluck our tongues when a couple of them get caught with their pants down a few years later. Rifkind and Straw? Just unlucky enough to get found out. Only a story if you're actually daft enough to expect politicians to do anything other than feather their own nests. What a thoroughly horrid world.
keresaspa: (Türkan Şoray)
Passing bells for everybody's favourite good time girl as our Christmas has been made that little bit bleaker with the death of Mandy Rice-Davies. Regardless of what they were, her and Christine Keeler will always deserve a tip of the hat for finally exposing the seedy licentiousness of our so called masters and betters. It may have only been the tip of the iceberg and the real juicy details will always be held back (the full extent of Keeler's knowledge of the sordid goings-on of Phil the Greek will probably not be known until long after the old bigot has finally carked it) but after centuries of the misdemeanours of the rich and powerful being hushed up it took somebody to finally lift the lid a touch.

Keeler might have been the looker of the dynamic duo (you can't really blame old Profumo can you, I mean hubba hubba!) but dear Mandy was probably the gamer of the pair, even leaving us her passable go at being a sultry siren.



Janie Jones probably did it better (er, the music that is), but a good effort nevertheless. Either way, farewell to Randy Mice. As long as there are dirty old men in positions of power may there always be a stock of whistleblowers.
keresaspa: (Brigitte Bardot)
Despite appearances to the contrary I remain very much alive, just rather too involved to update much on here due to a combination of the continuing World Cup (which has unfortunately tailed off a bit after a blistering opening round), a return to live matches and a recent visit from [livejournal.com profile] queenmartina who came bearing cake made by [livejournal.com profile] burkesworks, renovation projects and arse whippings at Trivial Pursuit. Jolly fun all round, barring the continuing success of the Dutch at the World Cup as they have quite possibly edged ahead of England to become my most hated of all the national teams.

In the interim I have allowed the formalisation of a new unification between mainstream unionism and illegal loyalist paramilitarism, the possible collapse of the Assembly, more genocide against the Palestinians, the end of Rolf Harris and the possible beginning of the end of a cadre of perverts at the heart of the establishment to pass without comment. So to correct those oversights I'll just say hardly a surprise with the legacy of Edward Carson, Ian Paisley and Ulster Resistance but the two-facedness of the whole "Sinn Fein/IRA" shite is exposed for the hypocrisy it is, it'll never happen as Robbo and Martie love the money too much but by God am I glad I'm getting out of this shitehole over the Twelfth, as ever the world will fiddle whilst Palestine burns, slap it into you ya nonce and Knox Cunningham holds the key.

That's me bang up to date then. Nothing to this blogging lark.
keresaspa: (Heckle and Jeckle)
Remember the days when the Assembly would be brought down if any of the paramilitaries even sneezed? So long ago, especially where the UVF are concerned. They can flout the law with impunity whilst the presence of their Progressive Unionist Party representatives makes no bones about it. Heck, they can even kill people and nothing happens beyond a few disapproving clucks. As such today's death threat against Conor Murphy by an organisation alleged to be on ceasefire has been virtually ignored by the local media as the UVF's violent sectarianism is now so run of the mill that it doesn't even merit reporting any more. I have little sympathy for Murphy or any of his Sinn Fein compadres because they are equally complicit in maintaining the fantasy that the Troubles are over even though the uve are still running riot as the Sinners are the ones getting the big salaries out of it. They were also the ones who rushed to get rid of their own UVF equivalent in order to get their snouts in the trough and so lost their own guaranteed protection by packing the Provos off to bed for good. Mind you, he's wasting his time making sure his mates in the cops are informed.

The UVF has east Belfast awash with drugs and has more rackets over there than Dunlop and Slazenger combined but the cops are happy to let them get on with it, afraid to touch the boys who brought this place to a standstill last Christmas with their flag protests. Frankly, the PSNI are too busy cosying up to the UVF leaders to ever arrest any of them. Hell, if Jamie Bryson had been in the IRA rather than the UVF he would have been serving a twenty stretch by now rather than some limp little ban on attending protests. As if that's not enough we have PUP spokesman and community bigwig Winkie Irvine sitting on the North Belfast policing board whilst maintaining his other career as commander of the UVF B Company in Woodvale, a group notorious for running rackets and ordering residents out of the area. How can you expect a criminal organisation to be dealt with when its top brass are running the bloody cops?! Still given that their top man is a security forces agent of long standing then it comes as no surprise that they can suit themselves.

Once again the "new" Northern Ireland reveals itself to be no better than the old, a façade of gentility placed on top of the same old festering cancerous lump that we've always had. A sectarian mafia continues to thumb its nose, knowing full well that nothing will be done to stop it as it has the law in its pocket. If this is the much-vaunted "shared future" you can bloody well keep it.
keresaspa: (Percy Sugden)
It occurred to me today whilst negotiating the joys of the Metro service on the Cregagh Road that isn't it high time we had a formalised bus etiquette put in place about when it is polite and when it is impolite to change seats. It's already a slightly uncomfortable situation for cold northerners to be forced to sit beside strangers but guidelines about the acceptability of moving really need to exist. Today a slightly shifty looking middle aged man took up residence in the seat beside me, there being no free double seats available, so fair enough. Before long one or two were available but he remained in situ which again was fair enough as moving at the first possible chance might come across as a little insulting. Before long however there were six or seven double seats going begging and yet my travelling companion saw no need to take one. By the time it had come to my stop there were three of us on the whole bloody bus and yet I was still wedged against the window by Mr Nevermove. OK, I know I'm oozing animal magnetism (well, I'm oozing something anyway) but there is such a thing as personal space. With this in mind I call for the creation of a new addition to the list of life's unwritten rules, namely that once there are five free double seats it is perfectly acceptable, nay desirable, to get up and move to one. Go tell it on the mountain.

And speaking of creepy buggers who won't piss off I see that Bertie Ahern is to be expelled from Fianna Fail for sleaze. As expulsions go this is right up there with the time that Sharon Ebanks was kicked out of the BNP for anti-Semitism (rather than being half Black, which of course had nothing to do with her expulsion whatsoever). What next, somebody being kicked out of the Tories for being a smug, self-satisfied, public school tosspot? Good Lord, being sleazy was practically a prerequisite for Fianna Fail membership in the days of Charlie Haughey and Albert Reynolds so the sudden pretence of being purer than the driven snow is frankly laughable. The Failures love their sleaze and always will and when Michael Martin's secrets eventually come out he will look very foolish over this.

MessDUP

Mar. 14th, 2012 09:56 pm
keresaspa: (What do you think of it so far)
I hate to flog a dead horse (says a liar) but if further proof were needed that the DUP are money-grubbing scum then it came today when it was announced that eleven MLAs have claimed over £60,000 in expenses and eight of them are DUP. It should be noted that the top claimant Jim Wells was for part of the period in which he was claiming also a member of Down District Council and thus was entitled to councillor's expenses, second top claimant Stephen Moutray remains a member of Craigavon Borough Council and thus is entitled to councillor's expenses, whilst in contrast third top claimant Thomas Buchanan remains a member of Omagh District Council and thus is entitled to councillor's expenses. Peter Robinson is in there too despite his salary as First Minister, his salary as leader of the DUP and his salary as a totally above board property developer.

And isn't it lovely that at a time when the DUP's Nelson McCausland is stating that he will be taking away free public transport from pensioners it is announced that the MLAs are to get an 11% pay rise. Well deserved too. Given that most legislation for this place still comes from Westminster a good place to deal out cuts would be Stormont by getting rid of a bunch of the 108 MLAs, not giving them hefty pay hikes. Crooked game all round. I can only repeat my earlier caveats that loyalists should remember all this before they drone into the polling booth next time and vote DUP even though it is the same party that keeps kicking them. If you must vote unionist vote Billy Hutchinson's mob for God's sake, anybody but Robinson, McCausland and the rest of that corrupt rabble.

Back in the late 1980s when independent councillor Nelson McCausland was also a leading light on the Ulster Independence Committee extolling the virtues of the "ancient and ethnic nation" that is Ulster he commented that "democracy in Ulster is dead". Well, as long as the majority keep forcing this hateful bunch of money-loving monetarists I say it can't die quick enough. And didn't he look so much better with just his moustache instead of that ugly grey stubble he sports now? I wonder where Nelson fits into Keith Flett's ludicrous assertion regarding beards, moustaches and the left?

Some Flagitious Idiosyncrasy in the Dilapidation is again needed to take away some of this rage. Aaah, aren't they sweet? There, I feel better now.
keresaspa: (Piggy Banks)
As long term readers of this will be aware one of my most consistent targets for venom down the years has been Silvio Berlusconi. As such it is with some joy that I greet the recent news that we are to be rid of the little shit. Again. Obviously we have been here before so I welcome his departure with some caution as the other Teflon Don has a tendency to come back from anything and will no doubt join the cockroaches in the post-nuclear holocaust world. But surely, finally this has to be the end of the road for Il Cavaliere as a politician at least. Mind you, given what he has come back from in the past I am not fully convinced. Let's remind ourselves of a selection of his previous crimes, none of which have inhibited his place as Italy's political godfather since the 90s.

• Berlusconi was a member of the Masonic lodge Propaganda Due, a shadowy extreme right group involved in the 1980 bombing of Bologna in which eighty people were killed and which was active with extremist movements and regimes in Latin America, including with the Dirty War in Argentina. He got off in 1990 after an amnesty was declared for members of this mass murder organisation.
• He has consistently been shown to have been linked to the Mafia, dating back to his early years in business, but has always dodged prosecution through shady means. When he was younger and looked like a human being rather than a capuchin monkey wearing an orange ski mask he proudly advertised the fact that he packed heat.
• Down the years he has bribed more judges than I've had hot dinners and yet has always weaselled out of prosecution, usually through the statute of limitations, something that has got him away with more crimes (including a litany of tax evasion and embezzlement) than you've had hot dinners. To think that Berlusconi sought to present himself as a clean new broom after the mess of Mani pulite!
• He formed governments with radical right parties such as the Lega Nord and the "post fascist" Alleanza Nazionale and then later admitted the Alternativa Sociale into his rag-bag coalition. Under the leadership of former nude model Alessandra Mussolini this alliance of unashamedly fascist parties included the Forza Nuova of Roberto Fiore, a veteran of the neo-fascist terrorist networks of the 1970s. We all know I detest David Cameron but could you really see him forming a coalition with the BNP and English Democrats and then later adding a bloc consisting of the National Front, British Peoples Party and the International Third Position?
• He sullied the good name of our own Tessa Jowell by forcing her against her will/entirely without her knowledge/it never happened (delete according to which excuse she is currently using) to become involved in bribery.
• Bunga bunga. Not only did the whole grubby affair sum up the crassness of this poor excuse for a human being but it also demonstrated how much he blew with the wind. He supposedly learned it from his great mate Colonel Qaddafi but as soon as the tide turned against him Berlusconi rushed to get sticking the knife in. With friends like that etc.
• Lest we forget he still faces trial for bonking an underage girl although I have no doubt that he will worm his way out of that.
• He claims to be a serious politician and yet he gets plastic surgery that makes him look like a burns victim, he flaunts his sexual proclivities in public despite having Veronica Lario at home (and despite consistently trying to present himself as the bastion of the Catholic vote), he brands German politicians Nazis despite sitting in government with self-declared fascists and praising Benito Mussolini as benign, he consistently makes racist jokes about Black people being “tanned” (not least at Barack Obama), he tries to make rape into something to laugh about, he makes crass jokes at the expense of his own people left homeless by an earthquake and tells a litany of crap and offensive jokes directed against (in no particular order) gays, Jews, women, the Spanish, Muslims, the Chinese and the Finns. And he releases albums. Albums, for God’s sake!
• And above all the regular public appearances made by his revolting, shrivelled penis mean that he is the biggest criminal to ever walk the face of the earth. Put it away you horrible old man!

There is an interview that they frequently show in which Tony Blair is grilled by Jeremy Paxman over his relationship with Richard Desmond. At one point (around nine minutes in) Blair visibly squirms as Paxman reads out a list of Desmond's rather more salacious publications. Could you imagine the same interview taking place with Silvio Berlusconi instead of Tony Blair? He would probably get to his feet and start thrusting his emboldened member into the camera. Such is the measure of the man who has been the absolute disgrace of Italy for two decades and has done more to damage the good name of the country that gifted the world the Renaissance since Mussolini. I hope upon hope that this is the last the world sees of the tight-faced old bastard but I retain the fear that his clammy hands will be back on the steering wheel before too long, inaugurating another corruption-riddled government of porn stars in which he uses public money to fun his own taste for whores. Good riddance but please don't come back.
keresaspa: (Harry Cross)
It was brought to my memory recently by [livejournal.com profile] caddyman that we have passed the third date named by that crazy Harold Camping fellow as the day when the world would end. Silly man (Camping that is). However just like last time a few days after Camping got egg over his face things have suddenly taken a turn for the apocalyptic. The last time it was wind, this time it is the rain I have been moaning about recently that is causing the problems as parts of Belfast are now submerged. Now we all know that the only things Belfast City Council is good at are arguing about the border and accepting bribes but this is an accident waiting to happen. There is no two ways about it, the drainage system in Belfast is complete shite and God knows it must be terrible if north and west Belfast, both of which are in the bloody mountains, are the ones experiencing flooding.

Down in my old homeland of the lower Ormeau Road there only has to be little drizzle for the puddles to start encroaching onto the pavements but days like this make it a bloody soup. Given that Sinn Fein's south Belfast office is facing all this one would have hoped that they could provide their mythical ceannasaiocht on the issue but instead their idea of building the new Belfast is letting the streets go to pot as long as they can get their snouts in the trough. If they weren't so busy wasting money on their Irishian nonsense the new Belfast might actually be liveable but the way things are going Sinn Fein might have to provide their ceannasaiocht from a submarine. And of course the same goes for the rest of the parties but they make no bones about being sleazy, unlike Sinn Fein who claim to be a people's party.

Harold Camping, if you would just learn a bit of patience people might be hailing you as the new Noah right now.
keresaspa: (Robb Wilton)
My opinion of Scottish Conservatives is a matter of public record. From the UVF's biggest fan in Andrew Bonar Law (New Brunswick-born but a Scot by ancestry and inclination), via fascist and Nazi sympathisers like the Duke of Hamilton and his son Malcolm, heartless Thatcherite git and biscuit tin lid model Nicholas Fairbairn, Michael bloody Ancram (who belongs in any list of the worst people for his propensity to sing in public) to the hateful little shit Michael Gove they are the very epitome of the grand old Belfast saying "shower of bastards". As a consequence the downfall of sleaze-riddled warmonger Liam Fox fills me with much schadenfreude. His involvement with Adam Werritty in shadowy Zionist groups like the Atlantic Bridge would be more than enough for him to go in my book but I wonder what else is going on here. Are they a bit you know what?Wouldn't be the first Tory with a double life would he? Mind you that should probably be triple life as, unless I am very much mistaken Liam Fox already enjoyed a previous acting career under the name Jack Smethurst.

Oh and speaking of right-wing nutjobs getting their comeuppance could somebody please fill me in about the reason, if any, for the religious right's poster girl in Ireland Dana Rosemary Scallon's sudden meltdown in front of the TV cameras the other night? I've been out of town for the last few days (ironically in Dublin, where it was all happening anyway) and as a result starved of internet access and so I was unable to check a story that has now disappeared into the internet ether. So do tell if you know. Bloody mad cow!

Moranic

Sep. 6th, 2011 06:21 pm
keresaspa: (Mrs Mack)
For my own part I have been a little uneasy about the prison sentences handed down in the wake of the Daily Telegraph's votes for UKIP drive (otherwise known as the expenses scandal). All were at fault yet there seems to have been an inordinate amount of Labour members imprisoned, suggesting a politicised dimension to the whole affair under the stewardship of our Conservative masters. However any pangs of sympathy I may have very briefly felt will be set aside for the latest instalment because if comeuppance is overdue for anybody it's Margaret Moran. With her shady links to all and sundry, her obsession with getting as much money as possible and her general smug arrogance and willingness to exploit anybody she can so long as she can get something out of them she represents everything that was wrong and tokenistic about Blair's babes. Prison would be too good for her but I'll have a good laugh if she ends up there anyway.

Elsewhere I see that good old Facebook, the thing everybody is falling over themselves to join and which seemingly lands about half of them in prison, is preparing to claim another victim. Good to see that all that hoo-ha the Thai people went through a few years ago has brought in so much change. Yup, risk life and limb for the bread and circuses of democracy and freedom and you still end up facing a fifteen year sentence for expressing your opinions about some cosseted old sponger (you chaps in the Middle East might want to keep this in mind). So in an act of solidarity I would like to end by saying that His Majesty Rama IX is a stingy, ugly buffalo who spends all day eating bird shit with ladyboys. Luckily nobody outside of Russia reads livejournal as I don't fancy a long spell in Klong Prem Central.
keresaspa: (Arthur Askey)
So the News of the Screws is to go after 168 years. Yeah right. What's the bet that in a month or two the Sun of Sunday will begin publication before changing its name some time early next year? The hand-wringing over phone-tapping is all a little hypocritical too. Are we seriously expected to believe that no other media outlet in Britain has ever done this? Come on! Apart from all that the phone-tapping has been good for the establishment as it allowed them to totally ruin one of their leading critics in Tommy Sheridan so once this has blown over it will all be forgotten. Mind you the glory days of NOTS were clearly over from the time they had to hand over money to Max Mosley despite the dirty old fascist bugger being guilty of everything they said whilst the whole superinjunction palaver has made the tabloid press look emasculated in comparison the internet. Who knows maybe it won't be back. I'm still not convinced though but just in case it has died let's recall its finest hour with a bit of the Crafty Cockney.
keresaspa: (Stan Ogden)
As I approached Carlisle Circus on the northern side of inner city Belfast today my eyes were struck by the sight to the right. Yup, Sinn Fein win the (non-existent) prize for being the first shower to get their posters out for the upcoming parade of pointlessness that will be the Assembly and local government elections in May. Typical SF minor candidate really in being a female with untamed curly hair and a name Irished up for the posters - well, if she isn't actually called something like Carol Cullen I'll eat my hat.

Given the way politics has gone here these could prove to be the most pointless elections since the days of the Parliament of Northern Ireland. Sinn Fein and the DUP seem to be the happiest couple since Flavio and Marita the hip hippos and have settled comfortably into their mutual love-in whilst their respective bits of triangulation have left them both able to claim the middle round so leaving the Ulster Unionists and the SDLP effectively devoid of purpose. Hot air is being expelled about the possibility of Sinn Fein coming top but unless Seamy and Francine have been dropping a litter of octuplets every week whilst Billy and Irene have been on a nooky strike I can't see that happening. The UUP don't look like making any inroads into the DUP vote and I really can't see anything drastic happening in terms of support for Jim Allister and his mob of Ulster nationalists, embittered Ulster Resistance veterans and Enoch Powell lovers. Besides even if Sinn Fein did come top in the interests of money stability I'm sure the new and improved Peter Robinson would happily serve under Martin McGuinness for pots and pots of rhino the good of the Province.

Interestingly enough as I passed Sinn Fein's Ormeau Road offices on the way home I noticed that the crux of their election campaign seems to be one word - "leadership". Nice one. In a place where the people are led around by the nose by monolithic elites who never seem to go away and where the local assembly is about as far removed from democracy in its proper sense (you know, rule by the people) as it is possible to get the one thing we need is to be told what to do and what to think even more. I would laugh if their victory was not so bloody inevitable.

And on a (tenuously) related note as I traversed the myriad delights of the Crumlin Road I happened upon an unusually named street. Lovely place I'm sure (well, no actually it looked bloody horrible but I digress) but I'm left to wonder where it leads. Corruption Place perhaps? Maybe Sleaze Drive? Or even Pathetic Power-Hungry Short-Arse with a Face Made of Orange Clingfilm and a Tiny Penis Mews? Yup, he may be facing all sorts of corruption charges (from which he will no doubt emerge unscathed) but there is a corner of North Belfast that will be forever Berlusconi.

Day 25 )
keresaspa: (Deryck Guyler as Corky)
Isn't it strange how sometimes coincidence can provide the prefect illustrative example of just how rotten the whole bloody system is. Today in Derry a 27 year old single mother with no criminal record was sentenced to three months in prison for shoplifting a pair of jeans priced at a whopping ten quid. Meanwhile at the same time the wife of the First Minister was given what to her is a token fine for causing a car crash. So an impoverished young woman of hitherto good character is imprisoned and faces the very real possibility of losing her kid for swiping something worth chump change whilst a rich bitch with all the right connections has to stick her hand down the back of the settee to get away with endangering lives through reckless driving. I mean we always knew that the justice system was weighted in favour of the rich and powerful but this is bloody ridiculous. UTV Live reported that to keep Alison Hewitt in prison for her sentence will cost around £20,000 of public money. In other words just under half of what Iris procured for her teenaged lover, an event that you just know that ultimately she will face no charges for. And they call that justice?! About as sickening as it can get really.
keresaspa: (Georgi Dimitrov)
I have kept my counsel about the latest mess surrounding my old friend Silvio Berlusconi until now but in an attempt to once again breathe life into the near moribund body of this august journal I feel the need to break my vow of silence. Were the stories of orgies involving underage girls and cocaine at plush villas about anybody else one would feel confident in suggesting that the individual involved would be facing not only ruin but a long overdue spell in the hoosegow. This being Il Cavaliere, of course, I doubt it will mean anything as the boy Berlusconi seems to have been coated in Teflon and Silpat and then laminated long ago, given that he has already overcome being outed as both a Mafiosi and a member of Propaganda Due, two facts that by right should land anybody with a ten stretch at least. Still where sex scandals are concerned a shrug of the shoulders from the wee man will no doubt lead to the standard roll of the eyes from the Italians and he can continue to hand over millions of state lolly to unknown Bulgarian actresses with impunity. Good God, if he appeared as a character in a Gabriel García Márquez novel you would reckon it far-fetched even by Gabo's standards. Let's just hope the Spanish press refrain from any front page nudie pics this time - I know they like to have a pop at the Italians but the world can do without any more of SIlvio's meat and two veg!

Elsewhere, of course it would be nice to see the back of Hosni Mubarak, a man who is so far removed from the Arab socialist visions of Nasser that it is untrue. How a dictator who has done absolutely nothing for the past God knows how long has managed to last thirty years is beyond me. Mind you if Mubarak is removed and is replaced by some acquiescent pro-American stooge it will all have been in vain, especially given that they are already in that role under the pro-Israeli Mubarak. At a time when unemployment and poverty are rife the last thing the Egyptians need is a dose of monetarism to make things worse. Mubarak out by all means but I just hope they are careful who they turn if and when it happens.

And finally the fuss about Gerry Adams - can somebody please explain? You and the rest of Sinn Fein have been happily participating in the Queen's own assembly for a number of years now Gerald meaning that the SS Sell-out has long since sailed so suddenly developing a bad taste in your mouth over the Chiltern Hundreds seems rather like locking the stable door after Her Majesty's horse has bolted. A shame the United Left Alliance aren't running in Louth as one of their boys beating Adams would have been perfect.
keresaspa: (Harry Cross)
Snow has, of course, been the thing that is getting everybody hot and bothered this last week or so. Now, we did get some nigh on a week ago round these parts but by and large that was it. No seven foot drifts, no winter wonderland, no canitude or any such nonsense. Nope, the snow was over after little more than two days last week but, this being Belfast, it hasn't gone away you know. Instead the snow has turned into ice and has lay ever since, making the street I live in and the surrounding environs about as treacherous as wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress on a midnight raid in Battersea dog's home. The inevitable trip to the hospital yesterday to give away my life blood like so much cheap wine resulted in more near pratfalls than an uninsured Norman Wisdom and made dignity an impossible commodity to come by. The hatches have now been battened down although penarious concerns mean that it must be braved again tomorrow, lest I am reduced to eating tins of celery hearts topped with cat food for supper and even I draw the limit at that. Probably.

Meanwhile I present this quote from a Mr. D Beckham, referring to a Panorama investigation into widespread corruption in FIFA and after a meeting with Jack Warner, a man who personally made millions illegally selling his federation's allocation of World Cup tickets - "I think what we made clear to him, and what he already knows, is that, if we were to get the World Cup in our country in 2018, our media will be right behind it". Good stuff. Now I attach no blame to Beckham for this statement, cast as he is in his usual role of pawn in big boy's games, but doesn't it give a fine insight into the mind of our esteemed leader David William Donald Cameron that he is happy to ignore glaring corruption in order to grub a bit of money from FIFA and is even prepared to manipulate a supposedly free press in order to have his way. Heck, the whole bid wasn't even his idea in the first place and should surely have been one of the first wastes of money culled by his cuts-happy government given the unlikelihood of it actually succeeding. Still, if World Cups were awarded for brown-nosing I'm sure Call Me Dave's schmooze-fest in Zurich over the last few days would have won it hands down. As a spectacle I always enjoy the World Cup but, let's face it, the whole thing is as bent as a nine-bob note and seeing the supposed great and the good effectively saying that they don't give a rat's arse about corruption as long as they can get their snouts in the trough is about as sickening a sight as I have ever seen.

And finally I was wondering if anybody else was having an issue with goat-acting by livejournal these last few days, specifically with regards to fonts. All the words on the various pages seem to have changed font to something decidedly bland and I am now left to wonder if it is just my laptop being its usual gittish self or if it is rather livejournal being its usual gittish self. Rotten lot.
keresaspa: (Beatrice smoking)
Before I start on today's action there is one thing I need to get off my chest - this enmity between Ireland and France has to stop. Listening to Jim Beglin ripping into the French because of a single football match made the bile rise in me. There can be few countries in the world that Ireland owes more of a debt to than France be it for providing gainful employment to the Jacobite armies of Ireland when King Billy sought vengeance after the Williamite wars or being in through the inspiration they gave to Wolfe Tone in establishing independence as a real goal. Indeed I would argue that, were it not for the positive influence of France, there might not be an Ireland, or even a concept of Ireland, today so let's stop the hatred over a simple football match. Too much of it has been constructed by the English media and the sympathisers in the Irish press in a post-imperialist attempt at imposing English prejudices so let's turn away from it now and remember that the French have been Ireland's friends for longer than anybody. Apart from all that there is no evidence that Ireland would have won a penalty shootout (especially as the team was nearly all brought up the English way and so would never have practiced penalties) and do we seriously believe if it had been Robbie Keane or Kevin Doyle doing the handling that they would have come over all George Washington and admitted it? And pigs will fly.

Apologies for that little rant there; I shall now resume normal service (you'll be thrilled to hear). I found myself sympathising with Raymond Domenech when today's "festivities" began. I've always thought him a bit of a merde tête but he has been beaten from pillar to post in this tournament and has been badly let down by a number of his players. As usual trouble emanates from Nicolas Anelka, a man who has always been a wrong one ever since his days at Arsenal when he threw all manners of tantrums and made all manner of threats to get to Real Madrid. Tosser! Adrian Chiles' opening gambit was horrible to watch, filled with vile xenophobia against the French and I swear he was just a whisker away from calling them "frogs". This revolting human being, his unfunny attempts at comedy, his twisted ugly face and his revolting racist opinions have been an absolute blight on this World Cup and I call a pox on him. Not far behind him has been Jon Champion, who opened his commentary with a rant about how France have an inflated opinion of themselves. From an Englishman this was the biggest joke of all, given that he and his colleagues insist that they are favourites for every tournament going despite the fact that they have only won one of them (compared to France's three). The game itself proved to be an oddly sombre affair, despite the reasonable performance by South Africa, and had a whiff of the last rites about it given that neither team had much hope of qualification. Gourcuff's red card, which appeared to be for jumping whilst being in possession of a pair of arms, set alarms bells ringing as I started to fear the dreaded FIFA nurse the hosts trick, although the 2-0 half-time score was only to be expected. After all it was what the healer told Lebo would be the half-time score in compellingly awful Soccer City Live on Eurosport. By this point I had lost interest in what I was beginning to think was a bought game and so I switched over in time to see Uruguay score against Mexico and make me even more suspicious. In fairness however Uruguay are a better team than Mexico and the goal scored by France, which was a nice bit of play and the sort of thing they should have been doing since the start, restored a bit of credibility. Absolutely no offence to South Africa, who were a game bunch, but they were clearly the weakest team in this group and it would have been a farce to see them in the second round. Their point in the opening game was as much to do with Mexico's chronic inability to put the ball in the net as anything else whilst their win today clearly came about due to France falling apart. The game against Uruguay was the real Bafana Bafana who would not have qualified for these finals were they not host - an indisputable fact in this case. As for the other two Uruguay are a neat side with good strikers (particularly Forlan, who has been excellent) and a solid defence who should at least make the quarter finals whilst Mexico, who play pretty stuff but just can't finish, should be easy pickings for Argentina to say the least.

It was hard to pick an evening match as in theory both or neither could have turned out crucial. But in the end I plumped for Greece-Argentina, hopeful that Maradona's mob would turn on the style. That was, to quote a phrase doing the rounds, a big mistake. Greece, who needed the result lest we forget, reverted to how they were against South Korea and defended constantly whilst Argentina seemed a bit disinterested. It says it all that the first 45 minutes was all about watching the Cosmic Kite's reactions rather than what was happening on the pitch. Meanwhile the Nigerians and Koreans were trading goals but the slow-coach BBC was only telling us a good five minutes afterwards so as there was no chance to turn over and catch the replays. Sloppy, Auntie, very sloppy! I grimly persevered with part of the second half before finally deciding that nothing was going to happen and turning to the other match, by this time 2-1. I turned over just in time too as by the time I was five minutes in Yakubu had missed an absolute sitter, scored a penalty and thrown a tantrum upon being substituted. "Finally some action" I thought, but of course that was it and the whole thing went decidedly flat and before long word came through that I had missed yet another goal as Argentina finally took the lead. Fortunately the finish to the Argentina match, which I returned to, was pretty exciting and their second goal was a sight to behold with a sublime run by Messi and an emotional strike for Palermo. The Argentineans were worthy winners in the end and if they can keep playing to their strengths and covering their defensive frailties could go all the way. South Korea, on the other hand, shouldn't give Uruguay too many problems as they looked very average in their game against Argentina. As for the two eliminated I'm a little disappointed to see Nigeria leave although they were poor at times whilst I'm glad to see the back of boring old Greece. One other thing I will be glad to see the back off is these simultaneous matches. I appreciate the reason for them given the Austro-German carve up of 1982 but they give us all the unhappy prospect of match selection which for me invariably means a wrong choice. Still, only three more days and the real stuff starts.
keresaspa: (Huffy beardy weirdy)
There was a time when the current MPs take money for solid gold butt plugs scandal would have had me up in arms but these days I find it hard to care about such madness. Finding out that politicians serve Mammon is a bit like finding out that Jeeves serves Wooster and it comes as no surprise whatsoever that they are screwing the system for every penny. Anger is of course justified, particularly at the sort of "we do it because we can so fakk off" attitudes as expressed by that awful Martin man, the like of which one would have hoped had died along with John Prescott. It's as if they are suggesting that we would all do the same were we in the same position. Quite possibly, but equally we would all bonk Nina Wadia senseless were we in the position but that doesn't mean we would want her husband rubbing our nebs in it that we are not. Just me then?!

However, all that being the case, the righteous indignation that looks set to give UKIP all the seats is really quite laughable. Are we really expected to believe that were Nigel Farage (a former commodity broker, lest we forget, and thus a man who knows all there is to know about getting money by any means necessary) an MP that he and his cronies would not be at the same? In a pig's eye they wouldn't. Still, tell that to all the sheep who think that they can oppose the EU by sending UKIP members to the European Parliament even though it is one of the few places where representatives can have no impact on a national government and so cannot make a blind bit of difference to the fact that the UK is an EU member. Plus given the massive banking crisis and waves of despair brought on by capitalism it is surely only an idiot who would think that voting for the most avowedly capitalist party in the mainstream is a good idea. Still, they're bound to do well given that the king of class traitors Norman Tebbit is backing them and his word is rightly revered given his sensitive handling of the aftermath of the Brixton riots and his close relationship to the always noble Saatchi and Saatchi. Mind you at European Parliament election time were Harold Shipman and John George Haigh to rise from the dead and endorse UKIP I suspect all the idiots would still go along with them because electing 12 of them last time was so successful in getting GB out. And far be it from me to suggest that the august Daily Telegraph has done all this now to boost the party that is the very definition of posh boys trying to be down with the plebs...but that's it in a nutshell in my book.

Still, voting schmoting, eh. At least that will certainly be the case for this little black duck. I have finally had a chance to look at the candidates from which I have to choose in this poxy election. What a shower! Ordinarily I get to vote for somebody on the left with sod all chance but not this time. Instead we are left with the tired old unionist rabble, not one of whom I would pish on if they were on fire, the middle class bastions of wishy-washiness that are the Stoopers and the Alliance, the latter having opted for a candidate that appears to be the only former moderator of the Free Presbyterian Church whom you can put on your potatoes, and the all mouth and no trousers rubbish of Sinn Fein, who promised the earth at the last election but are now following the aggressive spending cuts and water charge threats that have defined the pointless coalition government that the assembly has lumbered us with. As for the Green Party - over my dead body! Those plastic bag stealing gits and their "vote for us or the children get it" rhetoric will never get my x as long as I live. And if I'm wrong about them may we all be beset by environmental horrors incorporating changes in temperature. So for once it looks like I will not be using the vote this time. There is nothing whatsoever about any man jack of them that appeals to me and none of them are even tolerable enough for to hold my nose and back like I've done with the Workers Party in the past. Besides, as they have always made clear, MEPs only impact upon farmers here (or at least they are the only gits that Paisley and Nicholson ever mentioned in their literature) and Northern Ireland is much too small to have any influence so why bother?

Democracy, eh? Don't you just love it?!
keresaspa: (Geoffrey of Monmouth)
And lo, from the fair fields of Lower Lotharingia came forth an orgulous bachelor hight Lord Peter de Mandelson. And as the lewd piller Sir Gordon of Kirkcaldy did endure divers sharp showers and maims so did the Lord de Mandelson say unto him "by my head, God save you this day from senship and shame. Though my liege doth be thine enemy, King Tony Saunce Pité I do verily behote that it will be my geste to borrow thy caitiff reign". And so it befell that the Lord de Mandelson did occupy the Siege Perilous at the Table rectangular and anon did fewter his spear against the loth Sir David le Blank. "Gramercy, my lord" said Sir Gordon unto the Lord de Mandelson and he made his haversack to swell with bezants.

Or, in other words, Mandy's back! I believe it was Lesbos native and doyen of the Peripatetic School of philosophy Theophrastus (or was it Charlie Daze – I always mix those two up) who mentioned that the man who has his hair cut very frequently, who keeps his teeth white, changes his clothes while they are still good and uses scented ointment instead of oil is the definition of petty ambition. In Mandy they have brought back the archetype of petty ambition and shown that, no matter what you do, you are never too sleaze-ridden for New Labour. That an ex-communist should become the standard-bearer of Labour’s lurch to the right in itself gives the mettle of the man but that Tony’s best mucker and Gordon’s worst enemy would agree to take up a seat in the Brown cabinet is the worst indictment of this medicine show politician’s grubbiness. The Ayatollah Khomeini (or was it George Roper) once remarked that "I cannot admit that a man without moral standards may act for the people" and the return of Mandelson is the surest sign yet that El Gordo thinks no more of the people than he does of a pig's bumhole. Mandelson's career has been based on corruption, a total lack of values and a desire to get what he can for himself and this is the man Brown thinks will save him?! It almost makes you pine for the days of Ruth Kelly. Almost.

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