keresaspa: (Evil Timbo)
And so it begins as, once again, Sinn Fein got off the mark to fire the first shots of yet another election campaign (well, in my own sordid little burgh at least, happen the rest of you have been getting it for weeks). And what do you know, it's only bloody Millionaire Marty they've chosen as our candidate. Yet again the Sinners decide that we in south Belfast can't be trusted to think for ourselves and so parachute in somebody from their west Belfast base of operations, although they also seem to have come to the conclusion that wee Maskey is a bit too rough for us dazzling cosmopolites and so have ditched him in favour of the transatlantic, jet-setting, media mogul with the big nose. Deirdre Hargey may be a faceless apparatchik of the type that makes up the bulk of the party these days but at least she's from the Market so why she couldn't have contested what is an unwinnable seat for them anyway is a mystery to all bar the Falls Road mafia who run that party. OK, she's to be something on the new council but in the highly unlikely event that SF won South Belfast abstentionism would mean doing the two jobs would be easy anyway. Unless, of course, they're building up to dropping that policy, which wouldn't surprise me a jot after the last few years of public Liz-licking in which they have indulged.

But Millionaire Marty it is and once again Sinn Fein show their commitment to working class politics but saddling us with a candidate who is anything but. But in Northern Ireland that's increasingly the way they're going these days. They may make a song and dance over the border about supposedly being a democratic socialist party but that's certainly not the case here where they now promote a pro-capitalist, anti-welfare agenda combined with a fairly conservative set of social attitudes (well, in a wider context as admittedly they're ultra-liberal by the standards of the SDLP and the two unionist mobs). MM is typical of what they're about these days, a slick, sharp-suited tosspot with plenty of money in the bank who looks to the USA for his inspiration and sees the grassroots of republicanism as a bunch of nodding dogs who exist only to rubberstamp him and his ilk every election (not far wrong there, to be honest). He's already been exposed as a liar who tried to justify Sinn Fein's support for Tory cuts and the bedroom tax by pretending it had trade unionist support but what the hell eh? You could stick Michael Stone in a Sinn Fein rosette and there are plenty who would vote for him these days so lying about enshrining poverty into law is hardly going to cost him anything.

I wouldn't ever claim that there aren't decent individuals active within Sinn Fein but unfortunately in Northern Ireland it is very much under the thumb of the party's right-wing, as typified by the likes MM, Mitchel McLaughlin, John O'Dowd and of course McGuinne$$ himself. Even their recent decision to repudiate the massive cuts they agreed to seems to be motivated solely by self-interest as they must have realised it would cost them some votes as surely not EVERY republican voter can be a total idiot. It'll probably work too, even though after the election they will most likely sign up to pretty much the same thing but as George W. Bush so rightly said "there's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again".

Still, if, as I suspect, they're hoping that by leaving it this late they can delay any renegotiation until after the election in the hope that the Tories will be gone then they're playing a very dangerous game. I wouldn't like to call this election for various reasons but if they've judged wrongly and the Tories get back in they can expect them to seek revenge in any future negotiations and demand even more stringent cuts. These last five years of Tory rule have been absolutely horrible, with people's lives shattered in the name of repulsive ideological monetarism and that's with the supposed break being put on their vile excesses by the Liberal Democrats. To see an even more extreme version of that brought to Northern Ireland to teach us a lesson doesn't bear thinking about but it might well prove the outcome of SF's half-arsed attempt at politicking. Were that to be the case, and bearing in mind that Northern Ireland has far too few MPs to make even the remotest difference to anything a Westminster government does, open armed rebellion would be the only answer but of course Sinn Fein has spent the last decade or so making that impossible by surrendering their arms to the enemy and helping to turn the Provies into an unarmed bunch of old alcoholics who either drive black taxis or are on the DLA (which they soon won't be thanks to David Cameron's war on the weak and the vulnerable). And don't even bother thinking about the so-called "New IRA" as it's a real chocolate fire-guard thanks to its archaic structure and the fact that it has so many grasses that their gatherings end up looking like the pitch at the Hawthorns. Things could be set to get a lot bleaker in the not to distant future barring a minor miracle.

But to return to my original point, Sinn Fein posters have gone up on my road, the candidate is multi-millionaire with no links to the constituency and he has about as much chance of getting my vote as he has of winning Miss World. Having looked at the provisional list of candidates on the always reliable Wikipedia I suspect my vote will go in the direction of the hitherto unknown (to Me) Lily Kerr of the Sticks and I can keep up my record of always backing the losing candidate. Given that the unionist pact didn't extend to us McDonnell will probably hold the seat and we will retain an MP whose absence from Westminster can be put down to the fact that he's too busy making money elsewhere rather than any ideological reasons. Ye Gods, what a shower of bastards.
keresaspa: (James Connolly)
When it comes to the supposed end of the Troubles in Northern Ireland there are a number of people who, regardless of my personal opinion of everything else they have done, can claim a share of the credit for the events. John Hume, Seamus Mallon, Gerry Adams, Father Alec Reid, Rev Roy Magee, Archbishop Robin Eames, Chris Hudson, Albert Reynolds, John Major, Peter Brooke, Mo Mowlam, Gusty Spence, David Ervine, Billy Hutchinson, Gary McMichael, Joe English and Ray Smallwoods can all legitimately claim to have played a role. As admittedly can Martin McGuinness, despite my well-documented hatred for the man. Yet one person who can claim no role whatsoever in Elizabeth Windsor and yet the self-same Martin McGuinness is now praising her for apparently being the leader of the peace process.

It is one of the paradoxes of Ulster loyalism that it is based on blind obedience to the United Kingdom and yet is equally based on the deliberate flouting of that country's legal system. The way most loyalists reconcile this paradox is to insist that their loyalty is purely to the Queen and not to any of her governments and therefore they can be hardcore Brits but reject every British administration. As such the Ulster Volunteer Force and Ulster Freedom Fighters effectively existed at Her Majesty's pleasure and yet in near thirty years of loyalist activity never once did Lizzie speak out and say "I'd rather you didn't kill Fenians in my name, thanks lads". Say all you want about her having to stay above politics but innocent people were being killed by her devotees and if there was a way to influence that anybody with a shred of humanity would have spoken up instead of the deafening silence the old bat always maintained. And yet McGuinness, a man who still occasionally claims to be a republican, has the unmitigated gall to make his recent comments.

It doesn't take a genius to see where all this gradual shift towards monarchism is leading - Sinn Fein taking the oath of allegiance at Westminster. It would hardly be a shock given that they are already junior partners in a collaborationist government but it would be the final nail in the coffin of Sinn Fein as any sort of Irish republican party and the final part of their conversion into a long-term reunification, right-leaning nationalistic party that is happy to work with the same people they labelled occupiers not so long ago. The bitterest pill to swallow is that McGuinness' Petain-esque behaviour no longer causes any ripples and, far from inspiring outrage in the republican grass-roots, will probably see Sinn Fein top the polls in the European and local elections next month.

I guess I'm the one who has the problem as everybody else seems perfectly happy for Irish republicanism to be dead and collaborationism to be the order of the day but it's a sorry state of affairs when history is rewritten and principle negated just to ensure a very greedy man can continue to get his big money and his little bit of power. What's that rumble? James Connolly turning over in his grave.
keresaspa: (Starry Plough)
There are few characteristics more becoming in humanity than compassion. One of the side-effects of Thatcherism has been the gradual elimination of compassion in many people, leaving behind a bunch of warmongering nimbys, turning their hatred on the poor and the immigrant simply because they're weak and can't fight back, the sort of people who will say with a straight face that an odious little bastard like Nigel Farage "seems like a good bloke". One of the very few people in public life to demonstrate compassion as a matter of course was Tony Benn and as such his death is a huge blow to the increasingly quaint notion that it is possible to enter politics without being a total piece of vermin. We may not have agreed on everything (his ideal of democratic socialism would never have been an end in itself to my mind, rather a staging point on the way to proper communism) but I can think of no figure in British politics that I admired more, a man of the utmost principle, a tireless friend of the republican community at a time when many of his countrymen viewed us as untermensch to be repressed as brutally as possible and above all somebody whose thought processes were always informed, not by concerns for himself or his powerful chums, but by what would help the people most.

Driven by principle above all, Benn sacrificed the easy life of the House of Lords for the simple reason that he didn't agree with its existence. There are plenty of posh boys who like to play at being lefties but fall into line when the time comes but not Wedgie, who told them where they could shove it and devoted much of his energies to attacking patronage, the monarchy and the whole corrupt lot of them. A tireless opponent of monetarism, which he rightly warned would lead not to greater freedom but to greater authoritarianism from the right, it's just a crying shame that his warnings were ignored and instead petty selfishness and an anti-humanity outlook was adopted as the norm. Equally shameful has been the increasing lurch towards militarism but that didn't for a second stop Benn from opposing war and the suffering it engenders with all his might. As the man so rightly said "if you can find money to kill people, you can find money to help people".

That the very fact he was a man of principle was used against him during his life (and no doubt will be in the right-wing press tomorrow) is a sure sign of just how cancerous British society has become. That someone should ever face criticism for putting the welfare of the people, not one group, not certain sections, but ALL the people, above money and capitalism is a revolting reality to have to face. The passing of one of the true greats and I look around and see no one even close to him who can take his place. Rest in peace Tony, we'll never see your like again and that's the greatest shame of all.
keresaspa: (Cartman)
So what's the new baby going to be called then. Judging by the reaction of the press I suspect it will be Jesus as it's clearly the Messiah. And on that topic I will say no more as there has already been far too much ink spilt over something that happens thousands of time every day.

Who remembers the Tories in opposition? The constant attacks on the nanny state and interfering government, the whole David Davis resigning his seat over civil liberties stunt. Who remembers the Liberal Democrats as the gripers on the sidelines? So libertarian in their outlook were they that Murray Bookchin and Benjamin Tucker would have left their conference shaking their heads, saying "nah, a bit too libertarian for us". Their latest wheeze as a chimera government - blocking online pornography automatically. Because we must think of the children. Yikes.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not for one second suggesting that child or rape pornography are acceptable but they are separate issues as legislation exists for the one and could easily be extended to the other so that's just a question of enforcement. Nor am I standing up for porn (no pun intended) nor positioning myself as a libertarian. But seriously, come on. This is one of the most knee-jerk, half-arsed ideas I have ever heard in my life. If people choose to look at consenting adults in various stages of undress, or if Jenna Jameson, Ron Jeremy or whoever choose to show what they had for their dinner on the internet then what business is that of David Cameron or anybody else in the government. Certainly I fail to see how getting internet users to effectively sign a new sex-offenders register will accomplish anything, unless of course it is yet another way for the government to spy on its subjects online (which, of course, it is).

Online pornography may well be "corroding childhood" but the Helen Lovejoy argument simply doesn't wash any more. Even a Luddite like me has been a regular on the internet since the late 1990s and whilst there may still be a few veterans who are completely ignorant of the mysterious worlds available inside computers they are not of the age to have children. If you don't want Jonathan and Charlotte looking at muckies then monitor their use, stick in firewalls or set up blocking software but forcing a ban on everybody just because some lazy parents can't be arsed keeping an eye on their progeny is not only stupid but sets a dangerous precedent. Let's face it any blogging or social networking site you care to name will have porn on it somewhere so will we be forced to register as dirty bastards just to read livejournal? There's also the issue that the day we accept a government restricting something online is the day restrictions begin, not end. How long before anything connected to "terrorism" (for which read criticism of the system) gets the same treatment? How long before you have to opt in to read this journal (don't all rush at once)?

I would love to say that such a daft idea will never happen but I'm sure it will. Every frankly stupid idea this government comes up goes ahead just because they can and I fully expect this one to do so. But in the interests of freedom of expression, the independence of the internet and the God-given right to have the odd shufty at boobies it will be imperative that we all opt in. It really is time for parents to look after the children they create and stop expecting totalitarian laws to do it for them or do you really want a return to them finding mucky books in the woods?
keresaspa: (Starry Plough)
So the whole fuss about Catherine Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and the new Queen of Hearts having her dirty bags featured in French magazines and Irish tabloids then. For my part I've not seen the pictures in question. No, honestly. Despite my somewhat unjustified reputation as a bit of a dirt bird the scrawny, pasty Middletons do nothing for your correspondent so the close encounters of the blurred kind doing the rounds have no appeal for me. Rather though it has been the general reaction of shock, disgust and hand wringing that has got royally on my tits (no pun intended).

Let's face it, whenever you hear Richard Desmond trying to come off as a great moralist you definitely know something is wrong with this picture. This is the same Richard Desmond whose Northern & Shell company held the publishing rights to Penthouse in the UK and produced a slew of its own smutmags, including the famed Asian Babes. This is also the same Richard Desmond whose Northern & Shell company owns Television X, the home of such delightful family-friendly fare as "Feel or No Deal", "A Filthy Idiot Abroad" and "Gash in the Attic", and the Red Hot family of channels. And what, I wonder is the difference between Saint Catherine's jebs appearing in the Irish Daily Star and a million and one other z-listers like Kelly Brook having their perkies papped through long lenses and featured in the British Daily Star? OK, some of those desperadoes are in on the joke and are getting a cut from these pictures but others are not and Desmond has no qualms about invading their privacy (and given that a lot of these photospreads come from private resorts her being on the grounds of a private chateau when she bared all is no excuse either). There is quite possibly a case to answer about the rights and wrongs of featuring topless pictures for which permission has not been granted in newspapers at all (although the contrary argument - that if you make the choice to strip off in public you have to be prepared for the consequences - is quite compelling) but Richard Desmond is neither advancing that case nor in a position to do so. Instead he is indulging in a fine example of the contortionist's art by managing to tug the forelock and lick the royal arse clean simultaneously.

Middleton and her ilk have no complaints when they are using the press to further their own image and bolster monarchism through carefully arranged photo-ops. Put her and the Bigtooth Aspen alongside a bunch of starving cherubs from one of them loser countries and they will happily line up for every photographer going whilst the tabloid-reading lumpen smile and say "oh, aren't the Royal Family great helping the poor like that whilst sitting on billions of pounds worth of money and assets". But as soon it goes tits-up for them (no pun intended) they become all precious and start demanding the press only print nice puff pieces about them and be banned from daring to print anything else. And don't hand me that old jazz about her being new to this and not knowing what to expect. From the second she started knocking about with the human equivalent of Boehlkenchelys longidentata the photographers were stuck to her like limpets so it doesn't take a genius to work out that if the bra comes off they're going to be hanging about. It's a free press for all or it's not a free press; the law cannot make exceptions just because somebody is handed a position of false status through marriage.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of the paparazzi but if you put yourself in the public eye you know what you are getting and it is the same for everyone. I will stand corrected if I am wrong on this but I'm certain that nobody held a gun to Middleton's head and forced her to marry Chipmunk Choppers so had she found it all a bit much she could have buggered off long ago and joined Koo Stark and other forgotten former House of Windsor squeezes in anonymity. As it is she chose a life of ludicrous wealth and decadence and the price she has to pay is that the readers of sleazy papers and magazines are going to be interested in her every bowel movement. Don't like it, keep 'em covered. Now perhaps Mr. Desmond can will come along and tell me what an immoral cur I am, or is he too busy promoting the latest series of "Nylon Nans"?
keresaspa: (George Formby)
Please tell me that it's finally over, that there isn't yet more of the bloody Olympics to come. They made out yesterday that it was over only for a Nuremberg rally-styled march to be thrust upon us today, with bombastic, jingoistic speeches by David Cameron and Boris "I no longer have a surname" Johnson congratulating themselves on what a good job they did getting the Olympics for London, whilst somewhere Tessa Jowell wept gently wondering where it had all went wrong.

I know everybody loves all the Olympic sports now because Olympic athletes are so much better than footballers (I look forward to comparing the viewing figures for the 2013 IAAF World Championships and 2013 FA Cup final to see how long that load of old flannel lasts) but by God will I ever be glad to see the back of it. The reaction of the public was inevitable really because sucking up hyperbole is fast becoming a British national trait (Billy and Cathy's wedding, Lizzie Windsor's 60 years of mooching) but all that really happened was that a bunch of people did what they do all year round but it just happened to be in the country you live in. Good God, get over it. I'm rather glad that England's World Cup bid was such a dismal failure as the sea of self-congratulatory ecstasy emanating from crowds of people who had sod all to do with it would probably see low-lying areas of the country drowned in miasma.

Olympics schmympics, it's just another excuse for nationalism and to fly the butcher's apron in our faces, panem et circenses for the rabble to make them forget about how their leaders are rewarding the rich and punishing the rest of us in the name of their sadistic monetarist ideology. And as nice a chap as Mo Farah seems (which admittedly he does) how many of the people suddenly professing to adore him would equally be happy to run every other Somali in Britain onto the first boat back to the Horn of Africa? Hypocrisy, rabid nationalism, money down the drain and political posturing by right wing bastards - good riddance.
keresaspa: (What do you think of it so far)
Three faces of republicanism )

But enough about that )
keresaspa: (James Connolly)
Look before you leap )
keresaspa: (Giant Haystacks pissed as a frt!)
OK, can we please have a bloody year where the self-described "royal" family do not have to give the loyalist boneheads that populate this insignificant little stain in the Atlantic Ocean an excuse to drag their precious "Twelfth" out for several months? Last year it was Teeth of Mordor and his feckless bint who ensured by virtue of marriage that flags would flutter from every lamppost for several months longer than usual now it is because some ancient woman who has never done a hand's turn in her life and who is so sensitive to the realities of modern life that she parades around in the middle of a bastard of a recession wearing more bling than Kanye West, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Puff Daddy combined refuses to die. As every schoolboy knows there are few things that bring out my inner republican quite like the deference that working class loyalists afford to their super rich "royal" dominators and this whole jubilee crap has shot my blood pressure through the roof to be honest.

It's not enough that every July the loyalist roads and those that they still claim despite huge demographic shifts (word to the wise, lads, there are now two shops on Upper Ormeau openly advertising the sale of Holy Communion gifts so your butcher's aprons are no longer required) are awash with Ulster banners, Union Jacks and UVF and UDA flags but now it is all spring and summer thanks to the bloody Windsors and their obsession with making a public spectacle out of everything they do. It is a mystery quite what the flags of the UVF (all over the Shankill, Shore Road and the Village) and the UDA (one house on the Donegall Road) have to do with Elizabeth Windsor although seeing as she has a million and one military titles that were handed to her for services to drawing copious amounts from the public purse I suppose it is not inconceivable that she has also been awarded an honorary place on the UVF's Brigade Staff as well as the role of honorary Commander of D Company of the Westminster and Green Park Brigade of the UDA. Heck, even gippy little houses that are due for the chop have been bedecked with flags, such has been the explosion of ultranationalism that has gripped the loyalists because of the fact that some old brass has lived a long time.

I don't begrudge anybody their fun (well, that's not strictly true) but we get more than enough triumphalism and extreme British nationalism forced down our throats in this place without another great dollop of it being ladled onto our heads because of yet another arbitrary date in the calendar. For the English the Diamond Jubilee might well be a lovely time of leather on willow and happy, smiling white children playing together on the village green but in Belfast it will be yet another excuse for underprivileged people to get drunk and descend on the town looking trouble, all in the name of supporting privilege, hierarchy and inequality. And don't even get me started on the ball-licking Fenian bastards who are taking part in celebrations. As far as I'm concerned they are lower than the scabby rat feasting on corpses in a crack house.

One thing did strike me - whilst the Shankill is festooned with huge Union Jacks of a size not normally seen anywhere but a National Front rally it is odd to see that for the Diamond Jubilee the Shankill's own Diamond Jubilee has made such a poor fist of its decorations, relying on some scaldy bit of bunting that has been lying there since the year dot. Jolly bad show for Her Maj's big day.

And remember Jubilee is (almost) an anagram of Juiblex therefore you are actually celebrating a Demon Lord of slime and ooze with all this. So when a gelatinous cube descends upon the village green and absorbs an entire Boy Scout troop don't say I didn't warn you in advance.
keresaspa: (Daffney)
If there is one thing guaranteed to get royally on my tit-end it is one of those patrician old English Catholics. Typified by the Dukes of Norfolk, these are stuck-up old monarchist boot-lickers who wedge their lips permanently to E2R's arsehole despite the fact that Crown of England is by its very nature an anti-Catholic institution. The sort who spend their Mass praying for the queen and would never dream of sharing a church with the sort of rowdy Irish immigrant Catholics whose very presence has helped to secure the strong reputation of Liverpudlian weddings as the world's most violent.

Well it seems that one of the main exponents of that thankfully decaying stereotype has bit the dust, in the shape of Norman St. John Stevas. For some reason the man of straw that was the fiercely heterosexual Baron Stevas always rubbed me seriously up the wrong way. OK he was of the old English Catholic stock that by its nature vexes and he was a Tory which is a big enough sin but there was something less tangible that pushed to a level of annoyance which at times nagged at me. Leaving aside his racist comment that the Irish are "not known for their cleanliness"1 I can think of no one who so encapsulated that almost paradoxical combination of supreme self-satisfied arrogance with Uriah Heep2 levels of toadying that sums up a snob who is also a staunch monarchist. Gyles Brandreth is perhaps the only one to come close and, surprise surprise, he's an old English Catholic.

I rather suspect that the root of my extreme distaste for the upper class English Catholic set is the fact that, despite enjoying a degree of influence, they were happy to stand by and let their supposed faith brothers in my neck of the woods be denied their civil rights and thus indirectly played their part in causing the Troubles. Either that or it is just that Norman "he loves the ladies" St. John Stevas was just a hateful little bugger in his own right. No tears here, folks.

1 OK, so we're a dirty shower of tinker hillbilly dirtbags but that's not his place to say and there are plenty of English soap dodgers out there too.

2That's Uriah Heep as in David Copperfield not Uriah Heep as in Dreammare. And come to think of it that's David Copperfield as in Betsey Trotwood and Clara Peggotty not David Copperfield as in the plastic-faced, leather-trousered, Claudia Schiffer-bonking thaumaturge.
keresaspa: (Starry Plough)
The Diamond Jubilee is a pub near the bottom of the Shankill Road in Belfast. As part of a bloody history the bar, which faces the horrific slum known locally as Beirut, became the centre of activity for Johnny Adair and his gang in the 1990s and beyond and, amongst other things hosted the annual loyalist of the year awards where the top hitman for the UDA's West Belfast Brigade was awarded said honour. Stevie McKeag was the usual winner, although if not him you could bet your house on the winner being a spide anyway. A glass collector there by the name of Noel Cardwell, who suffered from severe learning difficulties, had his drink spiked with ecstasy by Adair and his cronies "for a laugh". When Cardwell accidentally mentioned to police from his hospital bed that he knew Adair he found himself abducted, tortured, shot and left to bleed to death.

All of this has little or nothing to do with Elizabeth Windsor's own diamond jubilee, not least because the bar is named after her great-great-grandmother Victoria. To be honest I just thought I would mention it as we could all do with a story that involves the words "diamond" and "jubilee" and isn't about what a grand boon to the nation the fragrant and beautiful Elizabeth has been with her serene ability to go on holiday and have arsehole wiped for her after every shite. Isn't it great that the same sponge has been leeching for sixty years? God save her and all who sail in her. Well the Stoop Down Low Party certainly think that way, the bourgeois scumdogs that they are. To be honest the only thing that surprises me about that is that Martin McGuinness didn't join in the chorus of cheers for his paymaster. Let's face it, the fact that one person has been in the same position for sixty years due entirely to the fact that they inherited it should never be a cause for celebration in a fair and just society. As a figurehead her reign has been of benefit to nobody apart from her and her mooching offspring (and don't give me that tourism crap - Versailles continues to attract plenty of tourists even without some fat oaf with a standard poodle on his head sitting on a throne). No celebrations from me - the sooner her and the rest of these mediaeval anomalies go the way Nepal the better as far as I'm concerned.

And don't get me started on the Olympics or all this Titanic crap. 2012 is shaping up to be one of the most irritatingly over-hyped years in history.
keresaspa: (Blazing Saddles)
In Northern Ireland today it was announced that there had been yet another increase in unemployment rates, followed by a second announcement that up to 1000 shops will have to close because of the grim conditions in this most backward of economic backwaters. Around the same time the First Minister Peter Robinson announces that he might have to consider resigning...over the name given to and the symbol used by prison guards. That's right as a response to some of the grimmest times this occupied statelet has ever witnessed our leader's response is to get all emo over some absolutely irrelevant little sectarian argument concerning whether or not a badge has a crown on it and whether or not the words "Her Majesty" appears in their name. The fact that this moron still gets votes is a microcosm of everything that is wrong with Northern Ireland. What the hell does any of this matter? Your fiefdom is collapsing round your ears with the people who have given you a forty year career becoming more desperate by the day and your only response is to get worked up over a fuppin badge?! It won't happen because Peter loves money too much to resign but it would be just like Northern Ireland that the supreme waste of money that is the Assembly would be toppled not by virtue of its simply abysmal economic record but by a petty row over bloody badges. For God's sake go and take the rest of your party and all the other collaborators with you as Vichy Ulster has been an unmitigated disaster and will continue to be as long as bigoted dinosaurs continue to rule the roost.

I'm very cross now. Not sure that Gallhammer will cut it so I think we need some Flagitious Idiosyncrasy in the Dilapidation to cheer us up this time don't we? Of course we do. There, I feel better now.
keresaspa: (Tiger Jeet Singh)
Weird livejournal antics again - yet another of these flaming DDoS attacks? Were it not for the fact that I'm in a happy little rut on here and Dreamwidth seems to be the only blogging site that is even more dead than lj I would decamp to my unused account over there. Certainly the vacuous post-post-modernity of idiot magnets like Facebook and Twitter hold no interest for me whatsoever as (a) I have absolutely no interest in what you ate for lunch, how much of a cow Cheryl in HR is or whether or not you are loving the latest Black Eyed Peas 45[1] and (b) I like to waffle when the notion takes me and as a consequence I have no desire to limit what I say to 140 letters or whatever the hell it is on that blooming website that is the most overrated thing since Pippa Middleton's arse.[2] So with all that in mind I guess I am here to stay and as a result I must endure these occasional breakdowns in service. After all Mr. Medvedev is a very cross little man and he isn't even able to comfort himslef with the thought that at least the gays like in the same way that Mr. Putin can. Poor little Dmitry, why so angry all the time?

Well anyway fingers crossed that this post actually erm posts and doesn't disappear into the aforementioned astral plane. Otherwise the world will forever lose a critical destruction of the merits or lack thereof of a minor royal's rump and that would never do.

[1] If you had a lunch of wild venison and caviare in the company of Noam Chomsky, Diego Maradona and Ursula Andress, if Cheryl from HR has committed a series of violent and senseless murders with her laptop or if the latest Black Eyed Peas 45 was so transcendental that it caused you to discorporate and traverse the astral plane then I would be very interested but in each case Facebook would still lose as I would want more context beyond "Just back from Astral Plane - Fergie rocks".
[2] To suggest that the parasite's derrière is anything special is not only monarchism of the worst order but also an affront to Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez and Nicki Minaj.


Sep. 6th, 2011 06:21 pm
keresaspa: (Mrs Mack)
For my own part I have been a little uneasy about the prison sentences handed down in the wake of the Daily Telegraph's votes for UKIP drive (otherwise known as the expenses scandal). All were at fault yet there seems to have been an inordinate amount of Labour members imprisoned, suggesting a politicised dimension to the whole affair under the stewardship of our Conservative masters. However any pangs of sympathy I may have very briefly felt will be set aside for the latest instalment because if comeuppance is overdue for anybody it's Margaret Moran. With her shady links to all and sundry, her obsession with getting as much money as possible and her general smug arrogance and willingness to exploit anybody she can so long as she can get something out of them she represents everything that was wrong and tokenistic about Blair's babes. Prison would be too good for her but I'll have a good laugh if she ends up there anyway.

Elsewhere I see that good old Facebook, the thing everybody is falling over themselves to join and which seemingly lands about half of them in prison, is preparing to claim another victim. Good to see that all that hoo-ha the Thai people went through a few years ago has brought in so much change. Yup, risk life and limb for the bread and circuses of democracy and freedom and you still end up facing a fifteen year sentence for expressing your opinions about some cosseted old sponger (you chaps in the Middle East might want to keep this in mind). So in an act of solidarity I would like to end by saying that His Majesty Rama IX is a stingy, ugly buffalo who spends all day eating bird shit with ladyboys. Luckily nobody outside of Russia reads livejournal as I don't fancy a long spell in Klong Prem Central.
keresaspa: (Captain Mainwaring)
I see the annual tradition has continued apace and every lamppost in the fabled Ballynafeigh from the Ormeau Bridge to the Good Shepherd has been decked out in either the Union Jack or the Red Hand of Ulster. Never mind the fact that the vast majority of the area is mixed or even majority Fenian the boys still need to impose their cultural terrorism on the second-class citizens. And Belfast City Council has the cheek to include the word "inclusive" in their description of the Twelfth, or "Orangefest" as they insist on calling it now. It's about as inclusive as an English Defence League rally and in case you ever forget it there will be some bonehead along to drape the butcher's apron from the nearest pole.

And speaking of hateful bigoted shites from Northern Ireland I see Ireland's favourite fascist (apart from Justin Barrett) Gerry McGeough is looking to his paymaster the Queen to get him out of jail. Well, he's already enlisted the Red Hand Commando to get him out so why not add her majesty to the mix? As far as I'm concerned he should rot in jail for the rest of his life for that ridiculous little hatesheet The Hibernian that he published a lot of years ago (and whose forum reprinted one of my entries in its entirety without my consent) but if this current ruse doesn't work I'm sure he can always ask the SAS or Norman Tebbit to get him out. After all without Gerry on the streets how will people be able to find about the next Society of St. Pius X tea-dance or how Denis Fahey proved that Jews were responsible for foot and mouth? Throw away the key!

Still, it's not all bad as at least Roberto di Matteo is back in the game. There can be no denying that Albion improved after he left but I was still disappointed to see Bobby D go as he was a decent sort who played the game well and built the basis of a fine Albion team. I always felt that he was a loss to the game so I'm glad to see he's landed a role at Chelsea. He's bound to get plenty more success there and it will be good to see him back at the Hawthorns next season. Nice one.
keresaspa: (Default)
My taste in crust is generally limited to the old school stuff and by and large I am less than impressed by this new-fangled blackened crust lark. On a whim however I decided to make an exception recently when I came across a heavily discounted copy of the Gallhammer album "Ill Innocence" (see, I wasn't talking about bread after all granddad). Well colour me tickled pink as it has proven to be a wonderful little purchase. The guitars are heavier than a tonne of feathers with a heaping helping of doom influence and even slightly silly screamed/grunted vocals sound cute as a bug's ear when it is a Japanese woman delivering them. Great stuff. See I'm still with it, me.

Moving on, jolly pleased to see that Fulham have made Martin Jol their manager. With his whispering voice, his ludicrously combative statements and his constant state of anger Jol has always been round these parts as a good old character manager, equal parts Tony Soprano and Tommy Cooper. The game has been that little bit poorer for his absence and I'm glad to see he has made a return (and equally glad that said return did not involve my mob). Welcome back Big M, perhaps now we will realise how strong you are. And his response to being asked if he is glad to be back will inevitably be "no, I'm glad to be back".

On to the next one. It seems Ballymena has dropped out of the race to be a city. Oh come on! I know city status means a lot less than it used to (Lisburn, Newry, Armagh) but Ballymena a city? It doesn't even have 30,000 inhabitants, so it hardly even qualifies as a large town much less a city. Who's next for city status I wonder, Portglenone? Ridiculous. And another thing all this preparation for Elizardbeast's Diamond Jubilee in 2012 is a little premature is it not? The old cow could slip on a bar of soap and crack her brainpan any time between now and then.

Finally this needs to be recorded for posterity in case I decided to get rid of it so here's me and my possibly soon to disappear woolly beard )

Aren't I a nosh? Well sod you then!
keresaspa: (Default)
Good riddance, Liz, now don't come back. The only things your visit has brought are a big bill for the Irish taxpayer, a chance for reckless-driving, embezzling serial shagger Iris Robinson to present herself as a brave victim alongside that overpaid cuckold of a First Minister, an opportunity for a bunch of ball-lickers in Cork to cheer some old duffer in a soppy hat and the final death of any notion of Sinn Fein as a republican party who shamelessly refused to protest a visit by the Commander in Chief of the British Army. God, Bobby Sands must be spinning in his grave at how far they have sold out. Bitter? I bit 'im too!

Moving on as I really don't want to dwell on the whole fiasco as it just raises my blood pressure and I've finally got it down to an acceptable level. Did I miss the meeting where footballers completely changed. Not so long ago they flaunted their affairs like there was no tomorrow, circulating videos of themselves bonking strumpets left, right and centre, wearing their conquests like a badge of honour. Now what have we got - Ryan Giggs doing an absolutely awful job of trying to hide his affair with the "famous" Imogen Thomas. Unusually for me given my well documented hatred of all things Manchester United I have always respected Giggs as a footballer due to the fact that he plays the game in the proper spirit (unlike his malevolent team-mate Paul Scholes). However he is not playing the off-field game as it should be played. Footballers are by definition morons and so when they nab a WAG like the fragrant Ms. Thomas (who, to be fair to her, is not too shabby in the looks department compared to some of the usual leathery blonde ladies that hang from footballers' arms) they should be shouting it from the rooftops not wasting their time with unenforceable super-injunctions. After all, it's not as if he's been doinking Jeremy Clarkson is it?! And as for any argument about protecting his wife and family from the news, he should have thought about that before dipping the wick in the first place. Stupid boy.

Well if Harold Camping is right this will be the last post I make and as such it has been nice knowing you all. If not see you all next time. Good Lord, how many of these apocalypse predictions are we going to get until one finally turns out right?!
keresaspa: (Squidward losing it)
Little to say about the visit of some senile 85-year old to the southern mob and the money being wasted on it when a large number of their citizens are wondering where their next meal will be coming from. I'm sure that cowface Mary McAlesse will be revelling in it - there are few things worse than somebody from a working class area of Belfast who gets a bit of prestige. Buck-toothed sow! One thing has caught my eye however and that is the story on the BBC's website. Promises to be less fawning about the monarchy appear to have been shelved after the verbal wankathon that accompanied Billy and Kathy getting spliced but but do we really need an entire paragraph to say "After lunch the monarch wore a white outfit". Cripes, they might as well have added the addendum "bless her cotton socks". And it's very nice of the "republicans" in Sinn Fein leaving the work of protesting the wasteful visit of the symbol of British imperialism one of the few mobs with any balls left on this island in Éirígí. As long as Martin and the boys have their big salaries coming from Her Majesty why should they bother protesting her I suppose.

Elsewhere I'm certainly no expert on the man's canon but is the recent admission by Arnold Schwarzenegger that he fathered a secret a child ten years ago not a missed opportunity? Surely the news should have been kept buried for another eight years or so by which time the secret child could have 'roided up from here to ya-ya, returned and kidnapped Arnie's current family before being killed in a momentous battle that would climax with our hero saying something like "Daddy's home" before ventilating secret child's cranium. After all he needs something to do now that the whole gubernator thing has come to an end.
keresaspa: (Ray Meagher)
So this time tomorrow Billy and Cathy will be happily ensconced in their domestic bliss, wondering whether they should keep David and Victoria's toaster or Rowan and Sunetra's, all the while thinking "oh Christ who bought these teabags" (though let’s hope she decides against grabbing a plastic fish-fork and buggering him). Yes it's the biggest royal wedding since doe-eyed, scheming deadster Diana Spencer hitched her wagon to the jug-eared star of Charlie "I don't use my father's surname" Saxe-Coburg-Gotha Windsor. But it's not really worth my while riffing on this, is it? If you don't know how I feel about the blood-sucking leeches that make up the house(s) of Windsor by now then you never will. A fun holiday to be had by all, except of course Fenians in my part of the world where the thought of the streets being filled with marauding gangs of flag-brandishing, pissed-up loyalists is surprisingly short on appeal. Still for everybody else there will be street parties to enjoy and that feeling of elation that the recession, global warming, world famine and AIDS will all evaporate as the fragrant and splendid Ms Middleton becomes Mrs Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor-Mountbatten-Wales and everything is put right with the world. No doubt there are daft idiots from Barnsley who have already put their entire month's pension on a postal order and sent it first class to the happy couple, fully in the knowledge that the royals are their betters and so deserve everything that their insatiable selfish greed demands. Panem et circenses.
keresaspa: (Bhishma (Mukesh Khanna))
One of the things that has always confused me has been the extreme monarchism of working class loyalism in Northern Ireland. The moneymen of mainstream unionism fair enough whilst the Catholicism of the Republic of Ireland excuses the pro-British stance but the monarchism I don't get. When you're living in a slum in inner city Belfast, in some cases coping without electricity and running water, why the deference for a bunch of leeches living in the lap of luxury who wouldn't given the self-styled loyalists a second thought? Even when the likes of David Ervine and Billy Hutchinson flirted with a vague form of socialism it was always with the proviso that the undemocratic heredity of monarchy was always non-negotiable. Passing through the Newtownards Road today in the east of the city I was "pleased" to see that those old habits continue to die hard in the window of Glover's, a low-end discount shop that is otherwise a fairly good source of cheap cleaning fluid and tatty garden ornaments.

They've certainly got a theme going at least. Still for all the locals surviving on 65 quid a week I'm sure there are fewer priorities higher than a biscuit tin featuring a picture of Lindsay Lohan's dowdy sister and a chap who looks like he could decapitate a rhinoceros with his gnashers. Quite why a royal wedding is seen as a reason for people to get worked up I will never know as the locals have about as much chance of an invite as there is of Wills stopping off in the Constitution Club for a pint on his way to the Oval. Besides what use will a William and Kate mug be in ten years time when they're divorced and she's off in America making a living whoring around talk shows with her "quaint British accent"? Mystifying.

Day 22 )


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